‘I am not enough to hold his attention’: Woman’s Husband Makes Several Inappropriate Comments About Another Woman in Front of Friends, Tells Wife She's Exaggerating

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    AIO about the attention/interest my husband gave another woman on a trip we took together?
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    My (33f) husband (33m) and I just got back from a trip to attend a wedding. The groom was an old military buddy of his, so I got to see/meet some of his other military friends and their respective wives or girlfriends. One of his buddies brought a girl he had only been dating for 2 weeks, and my husband couldn't stop bringing her up. We'll call her Jess.
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    We originally all met for a large group dinner the night before the wedding, then headed back to an Airbnb to hangout. All the women in the group hung out in one room to give the guys a chance to catch up. All except Jess, which is a habit that continued for the rest of the trip. At one point I walked in to the kitchen where the guys and Jess were to grab myself another drink, and heard my husband complimenting Jess's smile. She was self deprecating, my
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    husband doubled down, and then turned to me and asked, "Doesn't she have a nice smile?" Of course I agreed, and this didn't immediately set off any alarms. It's not uncommon for either my husband or myself to give someone a compliment. However, between that compliment around 11pm and before the wedding the next day at 4, my husband would bring her appearance up to me another 5x.
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    After doing the math and accounting for the fact that we slept 8 hours, that means that in a total of 9 waking hours, I heard my husband bring up another woman's appearance 6x, or an average of every hour and half. While I was only present for the smile compliment, I know he also complimented her eyes and how she looked like she threw around a lot of weight in the gym. How do I know that? Because he told me when he was bringing her up to me. He talked to me about how she was thick,
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    and was probably going to kick a lot of when she finished becoming a cop. I also know the next day that when we met for brunch and Jess and her date were late, my husband texted his friend, "Tell that thickl Ito put on something nice and revealing and get down here," though he left out and revealing when he originally described the text to me.
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    At the wedding itself, I noticed a piece of glitter from Jess's dress on his lip, and asked him how it got there. He was immediately offended that I would insinuate something happened between them, but I brought up how it's not that far fetched, considering the glitter was from her dress and he couldn't stop talking about her. I didn't
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    want to cause a scene or ruin the mood for this special trip where he was catching up with old friends, some of whom he hadn't seen in almost a decade, so I let it go. At the same time, I feel like because I didn't make a big deal at the time, he didn't know how much this all affected me.
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    In my eyes, he was fawning over another woman while I was just in the next room. Not only that, but in front of all of his friends, as a public display that I am not enough to hold his attention even when I'm there. He feels free to give his attention to others even in my proximity. I have
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    never been disillusioned to think my husband is no longer attracted to other women, but with him showing this amount of interest in another woman while I am with him that he can't seem to help but vocalize it to me continually makes me feel like his eyes wander a lot more than I thought.
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    I know I am not in the shape I was in when my husband and I met. I am still in better shape than most women my age. My stomach is still flat and I am not even close to being overweight, but when we met, I was lifting 5x/ week and was far more toned. Although this girl was more curvy and bulky/ strong, this whole experience has made me more insecure in my body and my relationship than ever. Am I overreacting?
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    Update: I should mention that I did bring things up after we got back to our hotel, and we continued to talk about them during the trip home, as well as after we got home, which was a week ago. My husband is under the impression that he just gave another girl a few compliments, and he wasn't as obsessed with her as I was trying to make him sound. I explained how embarrassed and disrespected I felt, and he did apologize multiple times and tell me he wants me to feel loved and heard, but also main
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    BentBent12 14 hr. ago No. That text was gross. I'd be livid.
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    In-My-Head1465 OP. 14 hr. ago He says it was just "guy talk" and he was just messing around. But I feel like that's more something I'd say to one of my own friends about themselves as a joke, not about their partner.
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    • Due-Brush-530 14 hr. ago Guy here. I would never even think to text something like that, and I don't tend to hang around other dudes who talk like that. That's messed up. Also, if the situation were reversed, would he be so cool about you fawning over someone else's boyfriend?
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    In-My-Head1465 OP. 14 hr. ago I asked him about reversed roles. He's either incapable of truly putting himself in my shoes, or is really trying to downplay how it would make him feel so his actions don't look as bad.
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    Ali_Cat222 13 hr. ago Excuse me, but no one writes such as- "Tell that thick something nice and get down here" to put on and And then claims it as "guy talk." First of all, if my friend was dating someone and they let the man they were dating just brush that off, what a giant red flag. Secondly, no respectable man with a wife talks like that. And lastly, the fact that he talks about woman like this plus kept bringing her looks up constantly is just horrendous behavior.
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    This is supposed to be your husband, why does he feel so comfortable talking about this in front of you? And why is he so disrespectful, just because you were in the military doesn't mean you can be inconsiderate and doing so he was being both! to your wife. Because in
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    In-My-Head1465 OP 12 hr. ago I feel like this trip and after he has been a completely different person. I feel like I don't know him anymore. He was never like this before. I have never given him any indication that anything of this behavior would be ok.
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    Away-Understanding34 · 14 hr. ago Call him out on this. Tell him you feel disrespected that he is drooling over her in front of everyone and that his text was insanely inappropriate. He needs to check himself. Would he be ok if the situation was reversed? You had a lot of trust and faith in him and that has diminished by these actions.
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    In-My-Head1465 OP. 14 hr. ago I have. We've had MULTIPLE conversations about it. He has apologized every time, says he wants me to feel heard and loved, but at the same time it feels like placating. I feel like he doesn't seem to get it, and is just trying to say all the right words. I tried bringing up reversed roles, and he said that because it's common for
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    us to compliment others, he wouldn't think anything of it. If it had only been a single compliment, I wouldn't have cared. But 3 compliments on top of constantly bringing her up? He also doesn't think it was a big deal that it was in front of everyone because they likely didn't notice.
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    Away-Understanding34. 14 hr. ago You noticed so other people probably did too. It sounds like it was blatantly over the top. In the reverse situation, I doubt he wouldn't think anything of it if you were persistent about it. At the end of it, he made you feel like an unattractive fool. He can say all the words he wants but has he done anything to show you he's sorry and that he feels you are attractive? Do you think couples counseling would help you both work through this?
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    • Odd-Improvement-2135 14 hr. ago Ma'am. Your husband is disgusting and if anything, you are UNDERreacting. I would reach out to this girl and find out what else he was inappropriate with her about because this is just the tip of the iceberg. I'm sorry. You deserve better.

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